by Harry
Hidden away on Sunday afternoon when nothing really happens, The Steve Show was a fearless crusader in taking a sideways look at the big news stories that had already been done to death elsewhere, and that everyone, us included, was already bored with.
In that spirit of hard-hitting, zeitgeist-straddling, opinio-tainment, let’s have a look at the big ruckus over the UK Christmas No1… should you be happy that Rage Against The Machine’s Killing In The Name beat Joe from the X Factor in the race to No.1 in the hit parade? What does this mean for the future of the country? Will we all die horribly before our time, or can we now look forward to everlasting life and free sweets?
This handy cut out and keep guide will allow you to hold a forthright view in any discussion on the matter over the festive period.
Argument 1 – It’s A Good Thing
Of course it’s great that Rage won the battle. Simon Cowell does not understand or even like music. His shows plough a dreary furrow to the lowest common denominator, proving that you can sell any old crap if you attach a dubious backstory to it – a dead parent, an unfortunate stammer, a birthmark shaped like a massive cock and balls on your forehead – and flog it to death on 18 consecutive Saturday nights.
But it’s not just that, it’s the manner in which he was defeated… take a look at the magical machine you’re reading this on – it has the power to bring hundreds of thousands of people together for an authority-bashing campaign.
It’s a common complaint from ex-kids that the kids of today are too apathetic, that they’re too sodding lazy to care about anything, let alone do anything about it. That theory has been smashed by the youth uniting with their right hands, not for an enormous attempt at the biscuit game, but to download the sound of disobedience and to thumb their noses at authority.
On top of all this, it’s raised stacks of money for Shelter and brought a classic track to the attention of a new generation of rock enthusiasts.
I remember seeing Rage at Reading in 1993, it changed my life forever, and they’re still as important and relevant today.
Argument 2 – It’s A Bad Thing
Of course it’s terrible that Joe lost the battle. The X Factor is the Christmas story updated for the modern age – Joe is the infant child in a manger; Cowell, Cole and Minogue are the three wise men; Louis is Mary, it all stacks up. In celebrating the birth of Joe by giving him the Xmas No.1, we are painfully aware that we will be mourning his passing by Easter as his second single (an unwise cover of Richard Blackwood’s Mama Who Da Man) bombs and he’s reduced to opening new branches of Millets for £50 a pop. Denying us this timeless narrative is an affront to the magic of the season.
And what’s even worse is the manner in which he was defeated… hundreds of thousands of sniggering ninnies, hidden behind their keyboards thinking they’re so bloody clever and ironic, uniting for an aim with no tangible purpose.
It’s typical of the youth of today, getting excited about something so utterly pointless while ignoring the big issues of the day. And you know it will lead to even more of those ludicrous Facebook campaigns – Get 1,000,000 People To Make Brown Shoes Illegal; 800,000 People Say ‘I Like Crisps’; 375,000 People Support Exhuming The Corpse Of Jade Goody And Giving Her A Traditional Viking Funeral On The Thames.
On top of all this, it’s raised stacks of money for Sony and brought a ludicrous, whiny track to the attention of a new generation of hairy outcasts, all of whom express their individuality by looking gloomy, having dubious personal hygiene and wearing the same Nirvana ‘smiley’ tshirt.
I remember seeing Rage at Reading in 1993 – I got bored after 20 minutes and went to watch Chumbawamba in the NME tent. I wonder what they’re up to now?
Steve Show Posse 